As I feel it, I take it all in

Hello. Im back!

Have you ever tried to move on from someone? Someone you love the most?

I know how it feels. 

After breaking up with my ex boyfriend 3 years ago, I thought everything's gonna be alright. But nah, it took years to move on. Lol I feel stupid right now but yeah, its true aha.

Seeing everyone move on first. I started to wonder, how?
Why am I the only one hurting? Why am I the only one crying? 

Dont you feel the same? Of course you dont, you're still young. I get it.

Its my fault too. I left you, never think about your feelings. I was too dumb.

I still remember, I was the one who suffer a lot. Having my hard time. Alone.

Well, its not your fault. But, I hope you miss me. Cause I miss you every second, every minute, every day. 

We didnt talk after that. And again, its cause of my fault.

So, I met someone a year later. He's nice. A good listener. A good friend. The funniest (Idk how to spell...) guy. I like him.

I felt so happy cause finally I can forget about you. SO HAPPY.

We didnt talked for the whole year. I saw you everyday in school. You looked at me and I do the same. Lol awkward...

This year, he talked to me again. Like a lot. So, I guess, we're okay now. Hmm yes, we are.

Cause of Kadet Polis and tuition. We spend much time together.

He tell jokes and made me laugh. Until I didnt realize I was laughing too much. He even asked me to control the way I laugh cause Im a girl. Like seriously? HAHA. But at least, he still cares.

And I think I fell in love with the same guy again.

Things just happened to be that way. AGAIN.

But the problem is, he's too young for me. I mean, not too young. But still, he's younger than me.

I have always been scared of being myself. I am that thin line in between everything.

I should not have said this much, this is all I wanted to say.

See ya soon.

No title.

It sucks to know that someone you'd shared everything together, and now......... not there anymore? It sucks to let all the good memories go. Totally sucks. It'll take time to get used to this. 

I just wonder what gonna happen to me after this. 

The person you've shared almost eveything. The person who gets you well. The person who texted w you all day all night, asking 'where are you?' 'what you doing?' 'sudah makan?'. The person who makes you laugh, smile. The person who always told 'bout his life. The person who knows that you're a big fan of Greyson Chance. The person who always comfort you w his advices and sometimes reminds you to eat and take care. The person who promised you he'll stay right here whatever happens.  And everything just not there anymore. 

I'll miss the only smile that bright my whole day, all the sweet texts, the only voice that can makes you melt. It doesnt mean anything anymore.

Hoping that he'll just change his mind, turn around and said 'Im so sorry that I dumb you. Im here right now, no worries 'cause everythings gonna be okay.'

Honestly, Im not strong enough. I wish you were here.

I wish I'd never met you.

There would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for  crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

You've lost her.

Her eyes dont light up when she hears your name anymore. She doesnt get chill when you walk by her and her heart doesnt race when you smile at her. You dont get to her like you used to. You're just a bad memory  in the back of her mind. So dont be surprised next time you make your way past her and she doesnt even glance your way. And dont bother trying to talk to her, you wont get response. She's over fighting the same battle. The saddest part is that you've no one to blame but yourself. She gave you ever chance you could ask for. And you fucked up everytime. Now, she walks around w nothing but a smile on her face, and she laughs louder than ever before. Looks like you've lost her, bro.

Getting over you.

Im going to get over you. Dont doubt that, I'll, I assure I'll. It doesnt matter if it takes days, or weeks, or months, or even longer. But Im pretty sure, I'll. One day, the memories wont feel as hard to breath around. One day, they wont reach out and manage to cut the breath from my throat. One day, I'll look up and the stars will shine brighter than they did the night before and something will have set inside me. That something is hope. Hope that one day, that broken heart of mine will be fixed, put back together by no one other than myself. And when that day comes, I wish for myself to rejoice in it. Cause I made it. I made it without you and if thats not something to be proud of. Idk whats.

Letting go.

Its still hurt, but I think I understand now. You're never meant to stay in my life, you're simply meant to teach me how to let go, before letting go yourself. So, this is me. Letting go......................

Refresh your memory.

I was the one who took your bullshit . I was the one who actually cared about you. I was the one who stuck around even when everyone told me to leave. I was the one who loved you even when you gave me every reason not to. Lastly, I was the one who was there for you when no one else was. Dont you remember this?